1. |
Anergia
04:40
|
|||
I’d like to be missed
Be important enough to someone
That my absence
Is felt
I guess, I don’t know
It just feels bad being so invisible, replaceable
Honestly I’d just rather be
Forgotten entirely
I’m tired of being around
What value do I even bring
I gotta go
I gotta go
I gotta go
I gotta go
I often fantasize
About being lobotomized
I don’t want to be me anymore
I don’t want to think or feel anymore
There’s no reason this should be happening
To have this awful heat permeate inside me
Every time I see the name of a city
Every time I’m reminded of the people
I wish I could be close to
I wish I could feel
I’m losing touch with the possibility
I’m losing touch with what’s real
There is no checking up
There is no catching up
I haven’t heard from you in so long
It’s just so complicated
It feels so bad being around people
But loneliness seems worse
It shouldn’t be this hard
And I thought I’d come so far
I just can’t understand
|
||||
2. |
Anhedonia
04:26
|
|||
I chewed a large chunk out of my pinky
Cause it felt weird
It’s bleeding pretty bad
I’m picking around in it with a pair of tweezers
To see if I can find
Anything inside
I know it’s probably just in my head
But I need it out of my head
I can’t take it it’s weird it’s weird it’s weird it’s weird it’s weird it’s weird it’s weird
I haven’t eaten in two days
Food makes me sick
But that’s fine, I’d like to lose weight
Be a cute little stick
I want to cut my legs in half
And lose most of my body mass
I’m simply too big too big too big too big too big too big too big too big
If I spend any more time wishing I could be more feminine
I’m gonna kill myself
I’m 6’4 and my shoulders are 21 inches wide
I wish I were bragging, like it sounds
It makes me unimaginably distressed
Seeing myself next to someone smaller makes my brain start to shut down
I want to throw up
|
||||
3. |
Alogia
02:56
|
|||
It shouldn’t make me feel sick to read your words
And when you contradict it shouldn’t hurt
Physically, like I’m being stabbed
I tug at my hair and pick at my scabs
Clenching my jaw and clutching my shirt
Squeezing my eyes shut so hard I see blurs
I don't think I’ll be
Around anymore, sorry
This was not supposed to happen again
I thought I beat this demon
Why do I have to be such a freak
I’m choking on glass and grinding my teeth
I was doing so well for so long
But I’ve been sent spiraling by trying to find work
Trying to get out of here like I need to
There’s so much trauma and inadequacy clouding me
I can’t do anything and my brains been destroyed
I feared that exactly this would happen
But I thought I was good enough to do it
I overestimated, I overshot, and I’m being punished for it
So now I’m drowning and I’m still stuck
And I can’t talk to my friends
And I can’t have fun
And I can’t see an end
|
||||
4. |
Avolition
03:05
|
|||
It’s getting harder every day
To imagine myself
With a boyfriend or a place
Away from this hell
The fact that I believed it could have ever been possible is pretty funny
I’m bitter all the time now
There’s a lot to be bitter about
I’ve had so much taken from me
Like most of my childhood and teens
I’m walking a hollow shell
There’s so much I haven't felt
The weight of arms, the taste of lips
I don’t like thinking about it
I just can’t function like
A person should
It takes such a toll
It’s so unfair
|
||||
5. |
Asociality
08:32
|
|||
I’m so tired of the people around me
Having people around me
But I need a person around me
Threading a needle through the sun
I don’t want to hear anything from any of you ever again
I’m so exhausted
I just wanna die
I need one more reason
|
Streaming and Download help
If you like Despondency, you may also like:
Bandcamp Daily your guide to the world of Bandcamp